I got married young, like really young, and because of this I had a lot of opinions come my way when I was engaged. People would say, “You’re too young … it won’t work … you’ll change too much!” The thing was, I didn’t really agree with the way they viewed marriage. I still don’t.
Really at the root of it, I don’t agree with the way the world views love.
Love is and has always been a hot button word. People are obsessed with the idea. They search for the euphoria that is “falling in love”. I think the problem when it comes to love is that it is viewed simply as an emotion. Love is an emotion, but it’s so much more than that, it’s also a choice. It’s a decision to love them when they have swept you off your feet, AND when they disappoint you, or drive you crazy. That’s why I can’t buy in to the traditional view of love. Falling in love is amazing, but there is so much more to love than “the fall”.
See my friends were right about one thing. I would change, I have changed, so has my husband Joshua. Some of our changes have been great, but others have been pretty difficult to navigate.
We have both matured and that’s great, but I’m pretty sure the old pre-kids me was more fun than the mom of four I am today. Not only that, but our lives have changed. We’re busier and we have far more responsibilities than when we first met. Four kids, church, multiple jobs, studying for courses, and the never ending housework. It takes a lot to keep us connected these days. It’s hard!
I feel like marriage has its seasons. In some seasons of life I have felt so in love (emotionally) with my husband. I have felt so impressed and amazed with him that I was giddy. Times like this love feels easy. Everything he does is cute, and I can’t help but be thankful for how blessed I am. Other seasons haven’t been so rosy. When life has gotten the best of us, and all the stress and disappointments of life have stolen our joy, I have chosen to love him through anger, frustration, and pain. Sometimes I can go through this cycle of emotions in twenty four hours. Swooning, infuriated, giddy, hurt, but I choose to love him anyway, no matter what emotion I’m feeling or how much he changes.
See Josh and I HAVE changed, and we WILL continue to change until our dying day, but we are choosing to love each other and show love in the good seasons and bad, for better or worse. We are choosing to be vulnerable with each other and trust each other with our love.
That’s the other thing about love, it’s risky because it can’t be controlled. You can’t force someone to choose to love you, and thats scary, but there is beauty in the surrender required. When you trust someone with your love and invest it, you have the chance to build a relationship that is powerful and strong.
Marriage isn’t about avoiding change, or staying on an emotional high. It’s about navigating all of the changes and the highs and lows together. After all, if I waited until we would no longer change, that day would never come.
The other problem with that mentality is that change is bad. Many changes are positive, and even the negative ones encourage growth. Some of our toughest changes have pushed us out of complacency. In those seasons we have had no choice but to confront our issues head on and put in the work, and guess what, we’re better for it!
What my friends couldn’t understand about marriage and love, is that it’s about more than today. Real love holds weight, because it’s bigger than our circumstances, moods, and mistakes.
Is it risky? Sure!
Is it hard? You bet!
But the reward is a relationship that holds up through the storms of life and a best friend to stand by your side through it all. Marriage is tough, thats true, and sure it’s unpredictable, but it’s a beautiful place to build a relationship that is safe and lasts a lifetime.
Over the years we have changed a lot, and that hasn’t always been easy, but this crazy life of ours has been beautiful, and I’m so glad I took my chances and chose to love.
Photo Credit: Lindsay Berringer Photography