Cling to the Rock

I have been following the coronavirus since it was beginning in China. I had wondered if it would come here, and if so would it be a concern. For the last month I’ve been the crazy lady saying that the “sky is falling” and yet here we are and it all feels so surreal.

My kids are home for the next couple of weeks (at least), church is cancelled, we’re social distancing, and the economy is falling apart at the seams. It’s hard not to be afraid, especially for a “worst case scenario” worrier like me. It feels as though our world is crumbling beneath us and it’s terrifying, but today I am reminded to cling to the Rock.

Two weeks ago I taught the kids at church the Bible parable about the wise and foolish man. It was a lighthearted lesson with LEGO figurines and houses, sand, a rock, water and lots of giggles as the kids watched me tell it. But as I was food prepping, God reminded me of how relevant it is today. To this very situation.

If you’ve never heard this parable here it is,

“Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.” Matthew 7:24-27 

So basically, Jesus was teaching us that we need to build our foundation on God. Now how does this apply to today you may ask? We need to remember that! When the ground is shaking and we are afraid, we need to remember we are built on the Rock that is God and we need to cling to Him. We need to build and strengthen our relationship with Christ, so it can weather this season, just as we would build and reinforce our homes to weather any storm. And if by chance you haven’t built your foundation on the Rock, there’s no greater time than the present!

Will that give us immunity? Nope! I’m not one of those Christians who are going to preach about how God saves the faithful. Don’t get me wrong. We are saved, our souls are redeemed, but we are not immune to disease and death. God has not promised us immortality, so therefore we are not exempt from this. Good Christians have and will be infected. Faith filled believers have been and will continue to die, but what we as Christians have is hope! Hope in a God who loves us enough to hold our hand and guide us through the unknown. Hope because though there is so much uncertainty and all of this social distancing, with Christ, we are not alone, no matter how stormy life gets.

We don’t know what lies ahead. How many will be infected? What fate awaits us all, but we do know God is present and He is faithful. So when it feels like the ground beneath you is crumbling, remember to cling to the Rock, because when you do you can weather any storm.

Let’s Talk About Mom Guilt

Guilt is a heavy emotion, but my oh my does it ever kick in in motherhood. A bad day and a flurry of emotions results in moms everywhere wondering if they’ve ruined everything. Thoughts spiral as we contemplate the worst case scenario. Do they know how much they’re loved, or will our whole relationship crumble into a sea of resentment?

Heavy? You betcha, but conversations with friends have showed me that this is a burden that most moms bear. Mom guilt is universal. Every mom I talk to wrestles with it on some level, the difference is some of us feel it heavier than others. Some of us carry it, and let it overwhelm us day to day.

The problem with mom guilt is that it is incredibly unnecessary, unhealthy even. A little self awareness is important. It’s great to be accountable for your mistakes, but we don’t need to be weighed down by them.

The amazing thing is that grace covers all. My kids have shone in strengths that my husband and I just don’t have. Despite ourselves, despite the baggage we carry and sometimes pass down to them, they are turning out pretty great and that’s the grace of God. As Christians, we don’t parent on our own or in pairs, there is another Father in the mix, and He makes up for the things that we lack. When we rely on Him, He teaches our kids things that we never could. Things like grace for our mistakes and the areas that we fall short.

Mom guilt isn’t healthy. It’s heavy and burdens us with feelings of failure and regret, but what is healthy is being accountable for our actions. Yes, we will mess up. Lack of sleep, meltdowns, and messes are a recipe for disaster. We try our best, but the truth is sometimes our frustrations pile up, anger takes over and we lose it. All is not lost though, we have an opportunity in these moments. We can teach our kids how to deal with conflict as we own up to our behaviours and apologize. We can model good behaviour for them as we choose to acknowledge our weaknesses and make changes. I think thats a very healthy way to raise our kids. Acknowledging that sometimes we as people make mistakes. Sometimes we don’t cope well, but we don’t deny it. In our family we will recognize our issues, be accountable, and most of all, we WILL change!

We’re not perfect, but perfect isn’t what our kids need. They need to see parents who stumble and yet get back up again. Donald Miller writes a whole chapter about this in his book Scary Close (I highly recommend it). In it he says, “If you think about it, parents who are open and honest with their kids create an environment in which children are allowed to be human.” See our kids need to see us struggle and then grow. Make mistakes and then make changes. The beauty in this is it creates a safe place for them. A place where it is clear that they don’t have to hide from their mistakes either, but know they will be accepted and loved through them.

Our guilt is a heavy burden, but we can channel it into healthy growth that’s a model for our kids. With God’s strength and grace, our kids can watch us work through our weaknesses, and learn by our example. Not only will they know that they are safe to make mistakes, they will know that they can talk them through with us and we can grow together.

The moral of the story you ask?

Mom guilt has no place here! Instead we need to replace it with a healthy dose of self awareness, accountability, change, and most importantly rely on God for His strength and grace. Worrying never achieved anything. Chances are our kids aren’t holding every mess up against us anyway, so it’s time to let go and move on. There is lots of growing ahead, for all of us. Progress isn’t made dwelling in our past, but in the steps we make toward changing our future. I don’t know about you, but I’d like to do a lot less looking back and a lot more moving forward, and it starts with letting go of all the mom guilt!

Scary Close, Donald Miller p.158

Trust Your Gut Because Mama Knows Best!

The other day I had an amazing experience. Exhausted and tired in the ER for the second time that week, I had the opportunity to thank the doctor who admitted my daughter just a few short years ago. She saw my sick daughter and the fear all over my face three years ago and she admitted her. She admitted her even though the doctors the night before had dismissed my concerns and sent her home. I had a chance to thank that sweet doctor and tell her what happened after she made the decision that saved my daughters life. Twelve days of spiralling diagnosis’s, a night in ICU, and then two weeks of outpatient antibiotics. Truth be told, it was a terrifying ordeal, one where the doctors almost discharged my daughter more than once because they couldn’t see what I sensed, that my daughter was extremely ill.

So the other night, as I sat there watching my daughter, I got a chance to thank that amazing doctor for not just seeing the symptoms in front of her, but trusting my instincts as a mom.

There I was with the same child that she had treated and had a role in saving years ago, when she said something that meant more than she could ever know. “I always tell the other doctors”, she said, “Mom knows best! If what she’s saying isn’t making sense then dig deeper, because mom knows best!”

I’ve experienced some wonderful moments with doctors in the emergency room, in fact I once had a doctor who held me while I cried, but this meant so much. Her words will reverberate in my mind for years to come. See each time my kids get sick, I worry and I watch them closely. I have to. With four kids I have no choice but to pay attention and advocate for them, but boy can that be hard! I often question myself, and nearly every time I rush my kids into the ER I worry that I’m being irrational and the staff will think I’m burdening the system. It’s hard not to question yourself when your kids have to go the ER so much. At least it is for me.

My kids have severe food allergies which makes me the annoying mom always asking people to wash their hands. Each time I hover and give my awkward explanation it makes me cringe, it feels un-natural and overbearing, but I’ve got to do it. It turns out being the annoying mom helps keep my kids alive.

Then there’s the asthma, every cold and flu season we frequent the ER, often with symptoms that go undetected by most. In fact the other day I waited six hours in the ER because my son was having an episode. Triage didn’t detect the severity of his situation and I questioned my judgement with each passing hour, but with each breath his throat tugged deeper and I knew in my gut he needed to be seen. By the time my son finally made it to a room at 3 am, he needed oxygen.

I say all of this to say, sure we don’t always get it right. We all have days when our mom radar is faulty. Sometimes we’re just so tired from all the sleepless nights and being overcome with worry that we’re just plain paranoid, but most of the time we see what others can’t. Most days we see the beginnings and know what’s coming. We wait for six hours even after a good triage because we can sense that our kids need to be there, even if nobody else knows it yet.

Sure it’s hard! Our instincts keep us up at night as we watch them breathe and mull over what to do next. Sometimes we rush them into the ER, only to discover that we were better off at home, but for most of us, those moments of paranoia are few and far between. Most of the time our gut is spot on!

So Mama, keep up the good work! You know what to look for. Your instincts can sense something is wrong even when nobody else can see it, and thats just what your child needs. That nagging feeling that you can’t shake may be a pain in the butt, but it’s a gift that saves lives. So I’ll echo the words of that lovely doctor and say trust your gut, do what you’ve got to do for your babies, because “Mamma knows best”!