Cast Your Parenting Anxiety On Him

My son is nine today! He’s my firstborn, so his birthday always makes me extra sentimental. His birth signifies the beginning of parenthood for me. This means nine years of laughter and joy, but in my case it also means nine years of worrying.

I’ll never forget the intense anxiety I experienced as a new mom. My sons life seemed so fragile and I was worried about everything from SIDS and choking to random disasters. I remember constantly sticking my finger under his nose to make sure that he was breathing okay. I was so afraid all the time and emotionally I was feeling the weight of it all.

When I became a new mom I realized just how much of a control freak I am. Not with everyday things, I’m not one to try and micromanage, but with life. Trusting God was easier when it was just me. I could resign to His plans pretty easily, but when I became a mom trusting God felt a million times harder. Trusting God required me to let go of control of my baby and say, “I trust you with him God. I trust you no matter what happens. Good or bad.” It required surrender and I wasn’t ready to do that. I wasn’t ready to surrender. I wanted to control everything and naively thought that I could shield my son from pain.

It’s funny, because we never really have control, and yet we believe we do and try desperately to keep it. The truth is though, life was going to play out whether or not I liked it, I just had to choose who would walk us through it. Would I be driven by fear and constant worry, or trust in the God who would lead me through?

After months of worry and wrestling with God, I finally surrendered. Little did I know just how much I would need God to guide me through. The following years brought us three more babies, health scares and troubling diagnoses. In fact on more than one occasion I wondered if I would lose the precious babies that God had given me. Did surrendering my babies to God make me stop worrying? Nope! But it gave me hope.

When my daughter was in the hospital, tubes everywhere and progressively getting worse, I would sing and cry out to God. I was terrified, but I knew we were not alone. What a comfort that was. What a comfort that is to this day.

The truth is being a parent is scary. Kids are accidents waiting to happen and that can increase any parents anxiety tenfold, but we serve a God who is with us through it all, and He wants to lighten our load. 1 Peter 5:7 says, “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” What a comfort this is! I don’t know about you, but I’ve been worried lately. I’ve been reading one too many news articles and the world seems overwhelmed with fear over another possible pandemic. I can’t help but worry about all the implications it could have on us, but I’m reminded that God can handle my worries and fears. I know that whatever comes, we will not walk it alone.

I have experienced God’s comfort and peace my whole life, but never more than in the past nine years of becoming a parent. So today, on my oldest son’s birthday, I will not only celebrate him, but all that God has done, and how I found comfort in the surrender.

Don’t Just Dream It, Do It

It’s that time of year. The time when we recap all of the good and bad of the last 12 months and make goals to move forward. It’s exciting as we anticipate the new year and the opportunities it will bring.

For me, 2019 had a lot of lows, but it’s still a year I’ll never forget. 2019 is when I finally realized a dream I’d carried for years. This year I stepped out of my comfort zone and started this blog. It’s funny, because as I set out for this year I had absolutely no intention of starting anything. In fact, I felt a little lost.

I’ve been a stay at home mom for years, and I had no idea what my life would look like once all of my kids went off to school. That day seemed like it would never come and yet here I am less than a year out from having large amounts of actual free time. As exciting as this is, I found myself becoming more anxious at the thought of freedom, not because I’d miss my kids, I mean I will of course, but because I didn’t know myself. I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I had no clue what my purpose was beyond being a mom, and in you’re thirties, that’s a scary thing to admit!

Up until now my purpose has been clear, to focus on my kids. Caring for them and loving them 24/7. It’s been challenging, but also simple, comfortable even. Sure I’ve been pushed to the brink of exhaustion and I’ve had a lot of growing up to do, but my purpose was clear and I knew exactly what I had to do.

This year has been filled with uncertainty as I figured out what was next for me in 2020. I’ve spent countless hours worrying about what’s next. What am I supposed to do with my life? Do I chase a paycheque or work towards a dream? What exactly are my dreams?

In the spring, my husband started a blog and began to ask me to guest post. He mentioned it often and each time I would shrug it off saying, “I dunno. What would I write?”. Finally, on a sunny day in June, I was inspired. The words rushed out of me like water out of a tap. I wrote about my struggles. It was cathartic. It felt important. A couple of weeks later it happened again, and I poured my heart out into another guest post. Like a diary, for all to see. Suddenly I began to dream!

Now I’m usually a starter, not a finisher, but I felt this dream birthed in me. I felt a sense of purpose, so I prepared and launched this blog with intention.

I say all of this to say, what’s your purpose? What dream has God birthed in your heart? Are you doing your part to see it come to life?

I didn’t really realize it, but it turns out writing has been a passion of mine all along. Since starting my blog I’ve found embarrassing diary entries from my preteen years, odd little short stories, and blogs from two years ago that I didn’t have the courage to share. I found a dream that had been put aside too many times and was finally stumbled upon. I discovered my dream from long ago and I finally pushed my insecurities aside and stepped into my purpose.

So what is your 2020 going to look like? Are you finally going to step out and see your dreams realized, because if you’re like me you can become complacent in comfort. You can procrastinate on fulfilling your purpose. Dreams can seem like impossible fantasies, but God has called us to the impossible. He calls us to things we can’t do in our own strength. Philippians 4:13 says, “I can do all this through him who gives me strength”. We can achieve our God given purpose, because of HIM! We know we have found our purpose, when we are living out our dreams that are just plain impossible without God. Let me tell you, it’s scary! It requires trust, and risk, and a whole lot of vulnerability, BUT it’s exhilarating! It’s a thrill relying on God for strength each step of the way as you navigate the unknown and dare to dream even more.

So in 2020, don’t settle for comfort, but beyond that, do more than just dream, actually do. When you’re captivated by your dreams, with the purpose God has given you, take action! You’ve heard it said, “Don’t just dream it, do it!”. Let this be the year! Step out and may your dreams become reality, as you “do it” in His strength.

Overated Adulting

As a child I was so eager to grow up. Adults had it made in my eyes. They could watch MTV, eat a whole pack of raw cookie dough, stay up late, and buy whatever they wanted. It was obviously totally awesome. Or so I thought, but here I am “adulting” as they say, and it’s tough. If I had to choose one word to describe life as an adult, it would probably be overwhelming. Now I realize that sounds pretty intense, and its not all bad, I can eat a whole pack of cookie dough without getting in trouble with my mom, but I tried it once, and I didn’t feel so good. Seriously though, life can be overwhelming. There’s always something, to stress over.

Four kids, one husband, two jobs, volunteer work at church, bills, dishes, and oh so much laundry, always with the laundry *sigh*. Somedays its all a little much, and when it’s all a little much, I usually do one of two things. One, I panic and two, I procrastinate. It’s a skill really. I can procrastinate like the best, and my panic and worry fuels it, because I put off doing things so I can worry about not getting it all done instead. Crazy, I know! In the midst of all the craziness I seem to forget about God. I don’t forget that He’s here, just that He’s at work in my life. I try and take control of my chaotic life, instead of handing it to God. 

One example of this is with money. Recently we have been following the Dave Ramsey (aka money guru) method. This means budgeting, saving for everything, and side hustles (thus my second job). Its been great for us, and I’m so proud of the hard work we have been doing. We have been working hard and its been paying off, but instead of celebrating this victory and thanking God for how He has provided, I’ve spent countless hours panicking over how we will pay for the next thing. Dental bills, clothes, Christmas, next summers expenses even. This fear is so irrational. Josh and I have had seasons of our life where we have had loaves and fishes type moments, and way more money has been in our bank account than should have been. Right now though, life feels overwhelming. My to do list seems huge, our bills seem too high, our schedule is insane, and I’m exhausted. 

Life is hard, but I’m grateful that as I sat here panicking God reminded me that He is here, and He’s got it covered. It says in Matthew 6:25-27, 

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?”

My constant panic and planning doesn’t achieve anything, in fact it cripples me and slows me down. In verse 31 to 34 it goes on to say, 

So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

Isn’t that the truth! Each day has its own struggles to deal with, and yet here I am worrying about next year! God has always provided for me, He has done miraculous things in my life, and yet I seem to forget so quickly, so as I was sitting and spiralling in my thoughts God reminded me of what I needed to do with one simple word, SURRENDER. It’s a tough one for me. I’m not a productive control freak, but I am a control freak. I so desperately want to have all my ducks in a row, I want to know that everything is going to be ok. As an adult there are many things to worry about, so much pressure, but thankfully  I am not on my own. When I seek after God, when I trust Him, He will provide. Not just money (I’m not preaching the prosperity gospel here), but strength, encouragement, guidance, wisdom,  and energy for the daily grind. God is faithful, and He loves me, and I’m learning to surrender control to Him. It’s scary at times I’ll admit. Surrender takes trust, even when life seems to be a out of control, but I know I can’t do this adulting thing on my own, and I’m glad that today I was reminded I don’t have to. Now, if you have any ideas for my laundry, I’m taking suggestions, cause were drowning in it over here.